i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
