that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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