When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
