physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
