There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
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