no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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