I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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