How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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