why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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