Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
