You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
