So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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