Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
