you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
