THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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