My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Randomize
