I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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