remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Do vagina's smell?
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
