Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Randomize
