Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
why do cheetos always look like penises
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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