You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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