i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
