i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
