i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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