Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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