I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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