About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
