# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
