My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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