Your mouth is God's brothel.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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