Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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