New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
