A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
