i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
