Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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