A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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