you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
