Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
