There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
