i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
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