Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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