I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
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