Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
