You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
You need Xanax blowdarts
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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