the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Randomize
