I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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