u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
