I'm going to jail i love you
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
