you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
