I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
