We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
