We're facebook friends in real life
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
